Faith and Helplessness

When I think back on the twenty years I spent as a Christian, I wonder if "accepting God's will" is an acceptable form of helplessness. It seems akin to believing in fate.
I made a momentous decision one time, one that went against Christian thinking, one that people told me put me "outside of God's will."
What they meant by that was that God could not bless the life decision I had made and that it would have lasting consequences. It makes me think of one of the furies leaning over to weave the threads of my life into further turmoil. It puts me in mind of superstition.
They really believed it but I...I made my decision and accepted the consequences.
I just don't believe in fate and helplessness. I have a more personal approach. I decide, what, if anything, should be done in a situation. I decide and I live by my decisions. That is the essence of being a free human being. You'd think that's obvious, that it's a given but it's not. We comb through so much debris while trying to make decisions.
I don't contain that much learned female helplessness either.
It is said among Christians that your earthly father helps form your concept of God or your heavenly father. My earthly father was, for the most part, not present in my life. There was no strong male presence. Since childhood, I have stood alone, made my own decisions, faced down fear and had a total lack of respect for most authority figures, especially males.
No wonder I made such a lousy Christian!