Deletes and Updates

When I used to religiously keep a written journal, I went through several books and many of them, I destroyed because I ended up hating what I wrote.  Flushed an entire journal down the toilet once.
So I did a virtual flush on here by deleting some of my more self-righteous or self-pitying posts.
The difference here is that I am sharing my thought with other people and opening myself to...?  Criticism?  Approval?
Been going to church regularly.  Terrible at reading the Bible.  Terrible.  And there is always a running dialogue on my head about everything regarding Christianity.  But I think I am at a turning point.  I have found some good ways to live and to think outside of the religion box.  But they are not the Best Way.  They are not the Highest Way.  So far, the best way seems to be Christianity.  I know this from trial and error.  I know this from throwing it all away and taking it all back.  I know this from asking every kind of tiresome, self righteous question, from every doubt, from every condemnation of whatever power is out there.  When I was a kid, I stuck my feet under the bed in my dark bedroom to see if there was a monster there.  Still doing that.new thought added on 5/5/12:  why does Christianity work for me?  How does it not work for me?  I feel so differently today than when I originally wrote this post.  Sigh