I have been all over the place, spiritually, lately. Sometimes I put out requests to the Universe expressed in the format of "I hope that..." Other times, I have acknowledged that I do still believe in Jesus Christ as a manifestation of the divine and I pray to him.
I have also been practicing some basic meditation...I sit quietly and as I am mindful of my breathing, thoughts come to my head, I perceive them and let them go.
These kinds of mental exercises are beneficial to me. They help me remove fear and anger. They give me hope and courage.
As a traditional Christian, I was an angry person. I was angry at God the father. I could get along with Jesus and the spirit but some of the things accredited to God angered me. I then became fearful that I would be chastised through adverse circumstances to become a more humble and obedient Christian. What's the point of praying about things in that kind of a setup?
Sometimes I still have these anger/fear thoughts, leftovers from a flawed system of belief.
The flaws are within me. Much of religion, or lack thereof, is filtered through my life experiences.
Organized religion is flawed too. Sometimes religion is good and sometimes bad but that is not my battle or my axe to grind.
I want to acknowledge the divine but I also firmly believe that my choices, what I do with the circumstances of my life, can decide the outcomes while I exist on this planet. Circumstances (health, parentage, etc.) are what they are. Find otherworldly reasons for them or not but find out what you can do to be reasonably content and successful.
I see that things are orderly, that there is cause and effect. I would like it if there were a few miracles in my life right now but I continue to work towards what I want out of this life and I also work towards being of service to others. That is a part of my ever-developing Code of finding meaning as a human. I hope for a balanced life and that is within my grasp.