Thursday, June 3, 2010

Look to the Future

I have been reading a book called Man's Search For Meaning. It is about the experiences of a man in the camps of the Holocaust and how he lived, day after day, month after month, with the horror inflicted on one human being by another.
He studied on the issue of human suffering. Is there a reason for suffering and can meaning be ascribed to suffering?
He seemed to think that suffering gives depth to a person's character and life. I have to reluctantly agree. I say reluctantly because I am a wimpy sort and would avoid suffering altogether if it were possible.
Deep down, I know that suffering has formed some of the deeper, better qualities of my character. I know that I would be shallow without the negative experiences in my life...and perhaps unable to enjoy the good times without the comparison of suffering.
He does not expound on religion so much as I had expected.
His will to survive seems to be based in his love for his wife (also imprisoned and of whom he had no knowledge-if she was alive or dead) and a view towards the potential future. I think that he is a religious person and that he admires faith but that did not seem to be the main focus (of course, I am only two-thirds of the way through the book)
I am going to try this view towards the future...I'll envision a probable future. I am starting school soon. I will think of when I have finished school (with excellent grades, hehe) and have a good job that provides the basics of life and a few extras. I will think of the meals I will cook in my kitchen when I own my own home (or rent a nice one, anyway). I will think of the day that my husband and I have ironed out a few of our major differences and can appreciate each other more.
I don't see this as escapism, just a new form of hope. I am shedding a couple of tears as I write this because it all seems so far away. But (borrowing from the 12-Step tradition) I know that if I do the footwork and allow the results to come to fruition in their own time, my hopes will probably come to pass.
But the present! Still gotta work on that!

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