Saturday, May 5, 2012

Beyond Complaint and Some Other Thoughts

I have spent a lot of time on this blog being angry and complaining.  I spent (and may possibly spend more) time focusing on injustices (perceived?).  I have even deleted some entries because they were really really whiny and self-absorbed, much to my embarrassment.
I now spend time seeking understanding.  I want to move to a state of resolution and acceptance.  I am aiming high on that one.  I don't think it will ever be a completed action.  I think too damned much for that.
I have a couple of thoughts in rough draft right now.  I just have to polish them up and look up some references before I publish them.
The subject I will be covering is decision and knowledge based on human sources vs divine sources.  Are they at odds?  Why?
I came to this topic at my local game store.  I had previously bought a key chain with a miniature eight ball on it there.  My uncle admired it so I gave it to him.  My keys (all two of them..if keys signify importance in the world, I don't rate) are free floating on a flimsy little ring so I went in there to find another muddled symbol of my current viewpoint.  I found a poker chip key chain for three bucks.  Didn't want to put less than five dollars on my debit card (due to principles unknown even to me) so I was wandering around looking for something else that was small, cheap and entertaining.
I came across "gipsy fortune telling cards" (verbatim), brand name Piatnik and made in Austria.  (Later research says that they aren't tarot but rather tarock cards, whatever the hell that means and I don't really care)
Oooooo, says my feminine nature...knowledge!  Possibly forbidden!  I wandered around the store some more because I didn't want to get something that would displease a Christian God.  Then I bought them anyway.
I was laying in bed examining them this morning.  They are interesting.  Why these symbols?
**future research/post: card types-are they archetypes?**
I laid out the cards like the instruction manual (brief and vague) indicated.  There were some interesting ideas there.  Purely subjective.  Fascinating.
Part of the reason I am such a profoundly lousy Christian is that I would rather question things and come to my own conclusions than read the Bible and pray.  This stems from my basically rebellious nature which is pretty darned bad, according to the Bible.  I can plead that I am a victim of circumstance, stepped on and bullied by one particular screwed up grownup throughout childhood.  Push me too far, I am likely to push back rather than turn the other cheek.
Not that I am trying to upset any divine entity.  But you get the idea on my general nature..when I am not feeling indifferent, that is.  Balance this out with bouts of extreme guilt and that is what being bi-polar is, in me.
I am just rambling here.  Next couple of posts will be more focused.  I know cos I already wrote them.  So all 1.5 of my readers have some more convoluted concepts to look forward to.

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